LEVI ZONE
Your looking at the most powerful man in the planet. Thats me.
There will be no caption for this image. I will not need a caption associated with this image, I believe the image speaks for itself and does not require additional information. There is no reason that I, the poster, would impart any meaningless information to to you, the humble reader of my post, as any further information would only serve to waste your time should you continue reading such a non-existent caption. As such, there will be no caption for this image and there will never be any text associated with it in any form. This image produces such a tone than a caption would simply not be able to support. Thus, it only makes sense not to provide a caption for this image, as the existence of a caption in this case would only diminish the effect of this post. I will only do you a service in omitting a caption for this image as you will experience the full effect of this image without any hindrance of language.
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Cars
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Translucency is Key
Moonlight Contemplations
Throwback to Da Olden Times @martin12jones @qualeb7 #biker #chillin #burnt #safety #eyewear #cocoabeachliving #beachready #chillmode #node #chilledarea #zone @rayban @bellbikehelmets
u know i had 2 rep!!!
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The Old Skool Way
You think you got problems? I got ants infesting my kitchen. They are coming out of cracks in the floor. Started off with one or two ants showing up every now and then. The scouting ants. They were checking the place out I'll bet. Now every time I go in there I find more uninvited ants running around. Need some ant powder. Kill them indiscriminately. I don't like to crush them individually. Doesn't feel right. Killing them with powder indirectly is the way to go. Must be how bombers feel when they carpet bomb a village from their plane. It's indirect, don't have to watch them die.
- reddit user who decided to bring this up outta nowhere
Modern Assortments Vol. 1
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The Shoes
I was nothing until I put on the shoes. Nothing. I was almost like a shrimp in the social ocean, but even a shrimp has some sort of purpose and status. I was more like a worm living at the bottom of the ocean, living a life of nothingness wiggling around in the dark then being eaten by some bottom feeding creature that came out of nowhere. I sure felt like a worm when I was wiggling around in a high school social scenario space, and those bottom feeders were literally every other kid. The nerdiest of the nerds, weakest of the weak, and the dumbest of the dumb would all get their turns at me. Until I put on the shoes.High school was really rough. For some reason, the entire school body at Helman High wordlessly agreed that I was the biggest loser, dork, dweeb, and failure in general to the point that I deserved a daily retribution just for existing. More often than not the simple task of walking into the classroom involved being tripped and dunked upside down into the trashcan. While this was going on, my backpack or whatever I had on me at the time would be stolen and broken down into billions of valuable microparticles, later to be sold on the internet-based rare plastics black market. They had to invent hundreds of new torture methods to use against me, as they exhausted the joy of using traditional beating and bruising methods after several beatdown sessions or if a lower level class-D nerdoid or lower bullied me into submission using a particular method. Some of their more traumatic beatdowns included bb snipers, radiation guns, locker land mines, twizzler torture, drone strikes, rigged toilets, glue milk, urinal cake taste tests, assault pencils, mulch shanks, vending machine dynamite, kickslams, knee twisters, eye burners, nose crackers, pelvis reorganizers, rib discombobulators, facial recon> structions, facial architecture redesigns, open heart wedgies, artisanal deformities, broken bone sculptures, broken bone masterpieces, ribcage modifications, hydraulic handbrakes, fingernail slicing, skin theft, skin patching, hair additions, blowdart attacks, tranquilizer tripwires, hoodgang muggings, gangsta strength training, beatdown tutorials, mugging tutorials, and mugging vlogs. And that was just the students. The teachers and staff were out to get me just as much as the kids, often helping the students decimate me at any given opportunity. They would give me grade reductions, permanent record rewriting, stapler strength testing, contaminated food targeting, selective student-teacher denouncement meetings, I was even the resource officer's test dummy for his handheld pistol and taser, which was done in class without warning other than the officer bursting open the door and opening fire on me, much to the amusement of my peers. It seemed like there was no way I would make it to graduation, as the punishments had been steadily increasing in intensity and frequency since freshman year all the way up to the beginning of senior year. On top of all of that, my arch nemesis and leader of the entire school’s endless abuse was a student in my grade, Daniel Pinski. Other than being at the top of the leaderboard for beatings, bruises, blisters, breaks, and body alterations anyone had given me over the years, Daniel would entice more obscure members of the school on his side, and was so successful that every single other student and worker at the school had contributed to torturing me in one way or another. He was the very first abuse provider that I had encountered, and had already amassed a sizable posse from his middle school days. Of course, they were all set on me from day one as well. He wasn’t the one to blame for my abuse, but he made my time at school far worse, and for that he would pay. He would not quit his effort to destroy me in any way possible over the four years that by senior year I had mostly given up resisting, save for my daydreams and fantasies about coming back and beating him in a dance competition. Daniel was the leader of the school’s dancing competition club, and was a level 42 street dancer. He had challenged and beaten every other student and teacher with a massive skill gap, the next highest dancer who would even come close was a level 27. Daniel had challenged me to dance battles several times over the years, and every time I would try to do a sweet dance move I could never follow it up with anything else; I could do a couple moves but I had no flow. Daniel would then proceed to do a couple basic moves and he and his disciples would laugh and beat the hell out of me for losing so bad. It’s safe to say I would have dropped out sometime during my freshman year if it weren't for my dad.
To make sure I at least succeeded in something, my dad was committed to me graduating high school. Passing high school was more than he could ever do, so I at least had to do that to make him satisfied. To make sure I actually went to school, he had installed security cameras in every room of the house with a live feed camera on a separate monitor in his office at work. Also, he was friends with the only somewhat nice person to me during my high school career who would tell him whether or not I was there that day, the janitor. Out of anyone else, the janitor was the one to abuse me the least, giving me no more than 5 or 6 brutal beatings during my time in high school. Even being on such good terms with the janitor, I still felt alone and singled out by my peers, the teachers, and pretty much everyone who interacted with me. My only comfort was knowing that on the weekend I would be able to go to Hexter's.
One of the few thrift stores in the area but by far the best one, Hexter's was a near-unknown yet ancient building hidden behind several large oak trees on the southwestern edge of town. Every Saturday I would wake up at 6am to get there as it opened at 7. I had to walk through a massive dark forest to get there, which was completely pitch black during the summer. I would know I was getting close when the trees started to thin out and I instead saw several large oak trees surrounding what at first glance appears to be a cabin. I would enter precisely at 7, timed out perfectly after years of making the same trip. Once inside, Hexter would greet me with the same cold stare and occasionally a personal attack. Hexter himself was a kind and older man. He lived in his store, which was only open on weekends, as he would spend all week finding and collecting all the items that he would then sell in his store. As a result, he always had the best finds. My jacket, which I had been wearing daily since the summer before freshman year, was a yellow and black Wallenstein 2: New Colossus jacket, just like B.J. Blazkowicz would wear. The day I found that jacket, I knew I had discovered something great. From the moment I put it on I think I had unlocked a greater part of myself, as I could suddenly do flashy dance moves like the crip walk or the dougie. Also, since the jacket was made of leather, my classmate's plastic dematerializers would not work, which is why I also wore leather pants. A light green similar to Kermit the Frog's skin color, the green pants attracted a lot of unwanted attention, but they were necessary after I learned during my first week that cotton and nylon can be dematerialized. Similar to the jacket, I noticed I could suddenly move faster whenever I put these pants on, it felt like I was given a +15% speed modifier. I was sure it was a mental thing, just my imagination, so I didn't really think much of it. In return for whatever I would buy, since my lunch money would most likely be vaporized during the school week, I would clean the debris away from and mow Hexter's clearing instead of actually giving him any money.
Work was brutal. Hexter wanted me to clean and mow the entire 500 acres or so that surrounded his shed, so I would basically be there from dawn until dusk cleaning his yard. In the morning I would browse his new items for maybe 20 minutes, choose what I wanted, and depending on how expensive it was I would either work just that Saturday or have to come in Sunday to clean the interior of the shack as well. I would then get to work immediately. I knew any time wasted would mean working into the night. As I worked I would daydream about standing up to my classmates and showing them that I'm not a massive loser, which would never actually happen but it would give me the energy needed to do a day or two's work of manual labor. When the job was done, my item would be sitting on Hexter's front counter, with Hexter in the corner engaged in deep meditational slumber.
Usually I would get something for my room, as Hexter mostly didn't pick up clothing and never electronics. During my Junior year, I got a small pile of stones. At the time I thought it was just a bunch of rocks that would make my room look cool, but I quickly realized that they produced a quiet tone, a really soft hum. I thought it was pretty cool, until one day I accidentally knocked over the stones with a traditional katana that I had just gotten from Hexter. As I was a novice swordsman at the time, I had knocked the stones over in a failed attempt at a basic move, a beginner's mistake. I ended up spending a long time finding the stones, which had dispersed across my room like chaos emeralds. While I was looking for it, I realized the stones stopped humming. Once I found the last stone, I decided it would be kinda cool if I stacked the stones in a different order. When I did, however, I started to hear a discordant tone. No way, I thought, it was coming from the stones! I put the stones in the right order and the usual hum continued. I thought that was pretty weird, but again it was just a bunch of stones, and it made my room look super cool so I wasn't complaining.
Speaking of my room, I had built myself a fortress of geek and gamer culture over the years. I basically had a gamer SuperDen with the addition of Hexter's mysterious items. Along with those stones, I bought several different authentic Japanese curved and straight swords, along with dozens of small paintings of all kinds. I had copies of the some old stuff, Rembrandt, Van Goh, ancient Japanese paintings, and Thomas Cole, that I had mixed in on my wall with modern classics like a Super Mario poster and a Tame Impala album cover art of a bunch of people in a courtyard. I don't even play Mario or listen to Tame Impala but the art fit my live-space perfectly so they were necessary buys. I would spend most of my time in my room hacking cartridges of SEGA genesis games or television sets until they broke or were sufficiently altered to my liking. One time I accidentally hacked a television set that was hooked up to my dad's satellite dish so that I broadcasted my SEGA's screen instead of the local news for a couple seconds. It had clearly worked to intercept the signal, as the news anchor said something about my stats in the game a few seconds later. I was in shock, up until that point I had just managed to hack a few basic SEGA games through brute force trial and error minigame quicktime events, but it was looking like my hacking skills were at a pretty high level. "If I was able to do that, I must have been level 25 at least," I thought. Aside from the SEGA and tv hacking, I had an old dusty windows NT machine that I used to soft test my rom hacks, but other than that I never used it much. I was more of a hardhacker, a hardware specialized hacking machine, rather than a software hacker. My life and hobbies were pretty much the same for my entire high school existence until the beginning of my senior year.
That fateful beginning of my senior year had started normally. I was getting beaten, bruised, maimed, squashed, and dismantled at every given opportunity, so nothing had really changed other than it was more frequent than before. Even more reserved kids started to finally wail on me as encouraged by their peers and Daniel. All seemed normal until that fateful Saturday morning. My alarm went off blasting The Boys Are Back in Town, as usual for Saturdays. I always let it fully play out as a morning self-hype routine. After the guitar solo, I knew it was time to set off for Hexter's, everything going as it always did. Little did I know I was in for a big surprise.
When I got to Hexter’s, entering at 7, he had a different look on his face than usual; he was more smug and proud of himself. He told me he thought I would like this one. I looked at him questioningly, then across the room at the table that Hexter places his new items on. Usually there is 3 or 4 new items, but this week there was just 1. My mouth must have dropped to the floor, as it did Hexter asked what I thought. I couldn't speak. It was so beautiful, so perfect, it was calling out to me like a siren's song. The item was a pair of leather green Nike shoes with orange strings. I was awaiting good leather shoes for so long, I had been using my dad's old leather dress shoes for years as a normal shoe would disintegrate due to its material composition, which had really taken a toll on my feet. This was exactly what I needed. Not only was it nondematerializable, it was green which matched the pants perfectly. I knew the shoes were calling out to me, I could practically feel it. As I was in awe of the perfect shoes, Hexter broke the silence to let me know it would be two days’ worth of work, and due to a recent storm there was way more debris than usual. I didn't even hear him. As I reached out to feel the shoe's material, I asked Hexter where he got this. He replied the same way as he always did: it wasn't any of my business. I put my hand on the leather, and it felt alive. I seriously thought it felt lifelike there in my hands, I thought this for sure would make me super cool and well respected by my peers. Hexter then threw a sizeable rock at my leg, hitting me right in the kneebone, while yelling at me to get started and stop gawking. I snapped out of it and got to work immediately. During the entire time I was slaving away, I couldn't stop thinking about those shoes. “They're gonna make me so cool,” I thought. “I'll finally have normal shoes, and sweet ones too. This would change everything.” Hexter was right, there was a ton of debris. I went home way past midnight on the first day when I finally finished, and spent sunup to sundown of the next day working on the inside, which also took longer than normal, even though I was working at a supercharged rate thanks to my pants and my will to get those shoes. I wasn't even distracted by the shoes themselves, I knew I had to work hard in order to finish on time or I would never see them in time for school tomorrow. During the day, it had started raining, so it was good that I had done all of the yardwork already. Finally, the latest I had ever been at Hexter's, I finished up, put the cleaning materials away, and approached the shoes. It was finally time. I glanced over at Hexter, who was in his deep ritualistic sleep as usual. I reached out and touched the leather, and experienced a jolt of energy. I suddenly was more aware, in tune with my surroundings. "Huh," I thought. I took the shoe into my hand, feeling every part of the leather fuselage that would allow my feet to fly away. I never wore shoes to Hexter's, so I proceeded to put the shoe on. Instantly I felt a massive energy shockwave resonate throughout my body. "Whoa man, what the..." I started to get really unbalanced, the entire world started spinning for me like I got really dizzy. I thought this must be because I only have one of the shoes on. That's gotta be it, I thought, as I took the other shoe in hand and put it on my foot. Soon the dizziness cleared up, and I was left with something completely different.
I was completely aware of everything my senses could possibly be aware of, from every single piece of dust floating in the room to every single raindrop hitting the roof of the shack. I could even see the raindrops thanks to the sound waves, It was like I had nodus wallhack enabled but in real life. That's when it hit me- I must be hacking the shoes! Leather has a notoriously high hack density, for those who were skilled enough to hack into its bioparticle circuits. But to be able to hack leather must mean I was at least a level 60 hacker... Only the greatest hack gods could ever get to the lower 60s, which is what hacking great Jeremy Hacker, for whom hacking was named, achieved. How could that be? I had only been hacking SEGA machines and tvs, there was no way that allowed me to be such a high skill level. Yet still... I was able to hack the leather clothes I was wearing. I needed to find out the extent of my hacking abilities then and there. I began a calculated yet effortless series of steps to the front door, perfectly using my available hacking energy to conserve my strength and build my ingrained hacker juice that becomes so useful during extensive SEGA hack sessions. As I approached the door, I realized it would be possible to use my leather gear to open the door with nothing but hacker energy. I concentrated really hard, straining my face and even breaking a sweat in pure concentration for about 2 minutes. I could feel the hack energy building, and I finally released it. My test worked perfectly. the door opened without a sound, and I hadn't laid a finger on it.
Outside it was pouring with rain. Of course, I had a plan for this thanks to the hack energy helping my neural function. I closed the door behind me, catching a glimpse of Hexter still asleep, then gathered all the hack energy I could for about 5 minutes. I would need a lot this time. When I released, I created a bubble of pure energy around me, protecting me and my precious leather from the rain. The energy hummed and shone a bright yellow, illuminating the pitch black forest. I began my way out into the rain, my energy shield effectively protecting me from the water. At that moment I felt so cool, there was no way anyone would pick on me when I could block their punches with hackershield energy. Tomorrow was going to be a day to remember. As I was thinking about this, I effortlessly made my way home down the path I had not be able to see down just the night before. Whenever I would walk home in the dark normally, I would have to run into something before I would correct myself and go the right way. But now I was invincible, guided by the light and surrounded by a protective ball of pure energy, I couldn't believe it. Just you wait, classmates, teachers, and administrators. “Prepare to be blown away, Daniel,” I thought to myself.
During my long walk down the trail, I realized I had to be careful to go unseen by my neighbors and my dad, who was most likely asleep at this point, but there was the possibility my dad was still awake and watching Jerry Springer on tv. If this was true, he or any other of my neighbors could easily look out the window and see me surrounded by a massive energy ball, which would not be good. The problem was it was still pouring rain, so taking down my shield would mean my leather gear getting completely soaked. As I approached the end of the trail, I realized I had no other option but to let down my protective hacker barrier. It was only a quarter mile or so from the trail's end to my house, so I figured I could sprint along an already exactly planned route and get minimally wet. I began to lower the barrier while I started picking up speed, when suddenly something unusual happened. The water began dripping between my shirt, pants, and shoes, creating a complete circuit and fully amalgamating the properties of each of those 3 items. I took a nanosecond to process this while mid sprint. In that moment I calculated a new route based off of the fact that I could probably now perform dance moves and move faster than a full on sprint. Taking a deep breath in, I landed on my left foot and began to crip walk. A shockwave erupted from me. Along with the blast launching me forward as if I had been hit by a Wraith mortar, I noticed the rain was repelled from me like a magnet, except for a couple streams that kept my clothes connected. "Holy crap," I thought, "I'm hacking my own dancing abilities…" I transitioned from the crip walk into the dougie with unbelievable grace, creating another shocksplosion and launching me into the air and going to right in front of my door, where I landed with an emergency breakdance move to soften my fall. Unfortunately, I underestimated the size of the explosion this life saving move would make, as the shockwave from this move was multiplied due to the combo factor established from the previous two moves. The force from the blast instantly shattered all the windows and glass in the house and even some neighbor's windows, and knocked my front door off its hinges, sending it flying down the hallway where it created a sizeable door shaped hole in the opposite wall. "Uh, oh," I thought. I knew I was gonna be in BIG trouble unless I thought of an excuse. Thankfully, due to the hacker rewiring, my semi-retard brain was transformed into that of a genius and I was able to think of a perfect excuse: a massive lightning bolt from the storm caused this. I detected that all of the electronics in the house had been made useless in the blast, including my beloved SEGA games and pile of superhacked tvs, so a lightning strike was the perfect cover. I was only worried about the door being a little suspicious, but I didn't think my dad would think too much into it.
My dad definitely did notice the noise though, I heard him yelling from his room and realized I needed to act fast. I ran to my room, integrating micro-cripwalks into each step to increase my speed without creating massive explosions. Within a half second I was in my room, undressing and instead putting on my Naruto t shirt and Attack on Titan joggers, which I wore to bed every night in hopes of having dreams about either one. Being completely dry and changed into my other clothes now, I made my hair look slept in as my mental state reverted back to my normal braindead self. I walked out of my room, rubbing my eyes to make it look like I had just woken up. My dad was swearing up and down the house at the rain coming in through the windows, shattered glass everywhere, and the door in the other wall. “Man, that must have been one massive lightning strike,” I said. “Hell yeah it was,” my dad continued before swearing and cussing for another 10 minutes until he went back to sleep, mumbling something about how he would deal with the mess tomorrow. My cover had worked! Not only did my dad not suspect me, I was probably going to be off the hook for most of the cleanup work as I had school the next day. This left me an a little bit of time to practice some basic dance moves that I would need for tomorrow.
When I was sure my dad was asleep, I put my leather gear back on. I felt the difference in mental abilities once more, but the items were not connected like before. I realized that it was a simple electric current that connected the items before, so all I needed to do was wire the clothes together. I reached into a newly broken television set and ripped out a couple thicker wires. Connecting each end to a safety pin, I stuck one pin into my jacket and another into my pants, then a third into the bottom of my pants and the last ones into my shoes. The rush of hacker energy flow was just the same as it was in the rain a little earlier, except now I was in complete control of the hack power. I tried to do a basic, slow nae nae just to get a feel of the power, but I couldn’t complete the move as the energy generated would be far too great. Satisfied with what I had ready for the next day, I took off the gear and went to bed, my thoughts running wild with how I would emerge as the best dancer and greatest student in general the school had ever seen. I would get all the awards, not for my grades, which had been rigged anyway, but for my incredible abilities never before seen by anyone. Not even those with the highest dance skill could do what I was capable of. I was a level 3 total dance noob, but my hacking ability had raised that level to be the equivalent of at least 40, higher than anyone at my school except maybe Daniel. Except Daniel didn’t have hacker energy on his side, he had lame normal human body energy and that was it. It looked like my day of retribution against Daniel Pinski was finally here.
In the morning I woke and jumped out of bed without hesitation. I had woken up extra early to take a shower, something I had never done before school in the past and received several torture sessions regarding. I was about to show Helman High that I was not a meatbag who should be treated like a subhuman bugworm, and I was actually a highly skilled dance-hacker who would beat Daniel at his own game. Once showered, I put on my clothes, which felt like equipping high level power armor with extra spell modifications. I was ready. I took a few steps through my house, being careful to make my walk as un-rhythmic and least dancelike as possible so as to avoid a dance-generated hack-fueled singularity destroying my house. My dad had already left for work so I didn’t have to worry about the noise of smaller explosions, as the cctv system had no audio recording. With a bang in each step, I approached my front door frame and shimmied through the temporary plastic flaps my dad had put up in the frame’s place, which turned out to be a mistake. I tried to control the energy generated by my shimmy, but it was too late, I was already being launched into the air with great force. I realized soon after I left the ground, however, that I had controlled my dance energy, and I saw from mid-air that the doorframe was unharmed. My practice session last night must have paid off, it seemed like I could now redirect my dance powers instead of emitting a massive explosion every time I danced. I tried this as I was landing, with my breakdance move now doing nothing but breaking my fall, conserving my hack juice. In fact, I had lots of juice to spare, which I used to propel myself forward along with smaller cripwalks. I was flying down the road to school at what must have been around 40 miles an hour, getting a greater deal of control over my cripwalking ability with each crip step. The explosions got quieter and quieter as I conserved more and more energy. Finally, I approached the school. As I came to a stop in the student parking lot, I miscalculated weather I should go hands first or feet first for the breakdance stop. I chose feet first, which I soon realized would mean a lot more wasted energy in the form of a shockwave. As I approached the wall behind a crowd of students, my feet hit the wall and stopped me with a quick turn and spin onto my hands on the wall, which vaporized the nearest 30 feet or so of students into thin air and completed demolished the wall in front of me, which turned out to be the dance club’s room. Daniel stood at the other end of the room. Silence. He took a second to look at me and what I had done to his precious dance chamber, complete with alleyway decorations and lighting, now ruined. From his face, it looked like he went into complete anger mode. But he eased up and smiled. He then said “Dance competition, lunchtime, the commons,” and walked away.
Class was more enjoyable than it had ever been. Besides having a competition coming up where, for the first time in my life, I felt like I could actually win something, my peers didn’t successfully mess with me once. Just before my first period, some kids who hadn’t heard about the incident outside tried to give me an English Breakfast, which consisted of one kid hitting me on the head with a frying pan while the other ones pelted eggs at me. I saw their plan from a mile away. The one with the frying pan, the strongest, approached me looking friendly, with a smile on his face. Knowing the pan would come, I dodged his sudden attack and left him to stumble over on his own. “Wha- What the…” he stammered, as his cronies surrounded me with eggs. “HOLD STILL NOW,” one of them shouted. They all took aim and threw, but I was one step ahead of them. The eggs missed and hit each other or passing by students who wanted to watch the beatdown. By now the kids were scared my new abilities, so they ran away. By the time first period had begun, the entire school knew of my antics, and not a soul dared to mess with me. Everyone was especially quiet since I had a big dance battle with Daniel during lunch, which despite what I had done so far, nobody thought I would win. They knew at this point I had a high hacking skill level, but they didn’t think I was much higher than the cyber-technodweebs that inhabited the lower castes of the school. I had done what I had done today out of luck, plain and simple. As a result, every teacher and student’s bet was on Daniel, with only a couple joke bets on me. The principal even came onto the intercom during second period to say that there was no way I would beat Daniel, and that he had bet two hundred dollars on Daniel winning as he always had anytime Daniel was to face someone in a dance battle. Also, the Dance chamber would be repaired immediately but would take a month or so, and if anyone knew who the 15 or so vaporized students were. This was all the better for me, as I would finally have a chance to prove to everyone that they were wrong. Not a single member of Helman High was on my side, but I sure as hell would have some who were after today’s fateful battle.
The lunch bell finally rang. Everyone in class went silent and watched as I made my way out of the classroom, down the hall, and into the commons. Since every step of mine was sufficiently contained thanks to my skill points increasing, now it just sounded like I had really loud footsteps instead of small explosions going off every time I took a step. There was a massive crowd in the commons, all fifteen hundred students and staff must have showed up to watch the battle. They cleared small path for me, occasionally trying to trip me or give me a wet willie, but I was too aware to fall for simple tricks like that. I wasn’t nervous one bit, I had been beaten and maimed many times in front of the same number of people in the same place. There were even several news reporters stationed around the crowd and on nearby roofs to film our battle. This was unusual, and the fact is this must have been the largest crowd for a dance competition in the school’s history. The principal took to the mic and confirmed exactly that, then explained to the crowd and tv that my morning stunts had caused a slight schoolwide perception change of me, which he and Daniel sought to destroy and ruin. I was nothing more than a worm that Daniel would crush as usual, and my sudden victories had been nothing more than dumb luck. The audience cheered as the principal signaled to Daniel and I to get ready to begin our battle. It was finally time.
Screaming, cheering, jumping up and down, and the chanting of “DAN-IEL, DAN-IEL, DAN-IEL…” was all I heard as Daniel and I locked eyes. He was clearly pissed about the dance cathedral, but I didn’t care. I was going to destroy him and get him back for all the times he dismantled me in front of my peers, no matter the cost. Daniel yelled at me “You may have gotten some fancy new shoes, but you’re nothin’ but a worm under my boot as always. I’m gonna make you pay for what you did to my dance alleyway.” The audience cheered. I retaliated with “We’ll see about that. I have a lotta payback to dish out for all those years,” which was met with a chorus of boos. Suddenly the principal came up with a starter bell and rang it while looking at Daniel, signifying it was his turn. Daniel immediately broke down into a breakdance headspin to upside down whip reversal combo, which uprighted him and allowed him to immediately and smoothly transition into a nae nae. The crowd went insane as Daniel started doing a running man into a floss, which he did with his upper body only as his feet performed an Irish jig. Daniel then performed a faster version of the fortnite tai chi emote at me, which signified the end of his turn with thunderous applause and cheers. All eyes were on me. The applause died down to a silence. I did not hesitate to begin my retaliation, which started with the default fortnite emote. I performed the whole emote perfectly from memory, all while secretly building charge. By the end of the move, I had built up so much hacking energy that I had to release it, which I did by accident when I crossed my arms at the very end. A supermassive shockwave blasted away from me, but since I had learned to control my ability slightly from the days’ worth of training, I was not launched into the air and instead witnessed the results of my dance maneuver from the ground. The first couple rows of students were vaporized instantly, while the principal and Daniel were of high enough level to resist most of my attack. All of the news cameras were shattered and promptly exploded, the students who weren’t vaporized were thrown back a good 50 feet from where they started, and a crater had appeared under my feet. But I wasn’t done. Daniel was still standing, he had only taken a minor scrape from my attack. I prepared to unleash my ultimate power move, which for sure would destroy Daniel once and for all. As I planted both feet flat on the even ground outside my crater, his eyes went wide open with fear for what would come next. He was right to worry. I then made sure my body was perfectly aligned to hit Daniel with all the force I had, and began to charge up. It only took a second, but I let my hacking juices flow from my head to my heart to the jacket then pants then shoes, then back through everything to head again. Once they were ready, and boy were they ready, I lifted my left foot up slightly while I put my right hand into a fist and held upside down parallel to the ground. I was getting ready to whip. I heard Daniel scream “NO, PLEASE DON’T,” but I had already made up my mind. There was nothing he could do to stop me. Daniel must be destroyed. I stomped my foot down as I thrusted my right arm forward and right side up, completing the whip circuit and shorthacking my dance drive with optimal power output. The results were unbelievable. The energy came out of my right arm in the form of a beam of lightning once every hundredth of a second or so. Every single bolt had been targeted at Daniel perfectly, the bolts streaming continuously from my fist to his chest for about a second and a half. In that time, Daniel was struck with over a hundred lightning bolts, and was reduced to a pile of black, charred bones near instantly. The crowd went completely silent for a while. After a click and the sound of microphone feedback, the principal announced, begrudgingly, that I was the winner. The rest of the crowd who was still alive went quietly back to their lunches, whispering to themselves in hushed voices.
I approached Daniel’s corpse. The school nurse came up beside me to inspect Daniel, so she promptly lit up a cigarette and stood there for a few minutes. I did it. I had finally done it. My arch nemesis, my number one annoyance generator, dead. I left the commons that day and school was never the same again. I was finally no longer beaten daily by my peers, in fact I was never beaten again after that battle. I went through the rest of senior year making barely passing grades, which was unexpected, seeing as I was still doing the same amount of work. I ended up actually graduating, much to the delight of my dad. I soon joined an elite ring of underground hackerdataminers on the tor deepweb network, which I’m still a member of today. I’m now actually the leader of the hacker group due to my immense skillset, all thanks to my days dedicated to SEGA hacks and my clothes hacking of course, which caused an explosive growth in hacking skill during the short period of time I actually used clothes hacking to its full potential. I’ve since decided clothes hacking is simply too powerful, so I’ve locked my leather clothes away on a password protected p2p network dataserver where nobody else can reach it and bring out its power. I still go to Hexter’s every Saturday, I had a lot to rebuild in my room after the landing incident. I would say I got my life turned around after high school, and I’m no longer that worm at the bottom of the ocean.
This is Francesco Rodriguez Senora Hernandez II. Convicted on 27 counts of evasion of property arsenic arrest, he was sentenced to (((πr^2*9.00001d/2v^3)mol/g*6.02x10^23 atoms/mol)6Qx+y^2x+x^2yn-e^23x^x) years in the federal Southeast Conference Supermaxx prison known as Bloat God Territory Correctional Institution Facility of The Arts. As of this Tuesday, Hernandez has gone missing and, by all accounts, has escaped the prison. All citizens in the Southeast area are advised to keep an eye out for this extremely dangerous man. In a prepared statement disclosing the prison's investigation, Jack Pendleton, Warden of Bloat God Territory Correctional Institution Facility of The Arts, warned citizens to protect themselves if they encounter Hernandez or a similar criminal. "Listen, I don't want to have to say this, it's indecent, it really is, but everyone on the Southeastern starboard has gotta start puttin' up their damn arsenic shutters. We wouldn'uh had this issue in the first place if citizens started protectin' themselves from all the arsenic burglars runnin' around, and if they picked up the phone when someone was tryin' to steal their precious metalloid. I dunno 'bout 'chu, but if a man comes up tryin' to grab my arsenic, I would gun 'em down right then and there 'cause I know he's a damn fool who doesn't deserve to live another second." Pendleton warned citizens to keep their thermostats below 1,502, as any higher temperature results in arsenic liquidizing, which is "easy as pie" for a criminal like Hernandez to take advantage of.
While on my great travels throughout life I came across this poor little phillippino boy without any legs... He was clearly starving, I could see his bones. I reached into my knapsack, pulled out a cherry pie, and handed it to him. He took it and began chowin' down!!! Right after, he scrambled away on his own two hands- I've never seen anything like it!!! Just had to share!!!
Mmmm Mmm MMM!! I love me some mashed potatoes!!!!! Looks so GOOD!!!!!!!!
This man approaches you on a subway. With his presence seems to be an ethereal glow, a sharp bloom of color in that otherwise gloomy car. You feel a deep surge of well-being, this man is someone you can trust. As you take this in, he stops in front of you so that his face is a couple feet from yours. He stares. You stare back, expecting him to say something. For a moment, you open your mouth to begin a sentence, but then it hits you. The subway jolts forward. Flooding your every thought, your every sense, is the feeling of movement towards the man until you completely merge together as one being, you want nothing more than to be completely united in a confluence of spiritual form, leaving your physical form behind in irrelevance, lack of need, lack of guidance, lack of meaning for your newfound goal, no, destiny, no, absolute DUTY for the greater good, for all of mankind, for progress of the world towards its greatest form, which he, this man who was once a humble stranger on a subway, can provide, once you give yourself to him completely. You were once a lost soul, searching the world for meaning, as if any Earthly source could provide such meaning, but HE, He is more than the Earth, He is more than faith, the pitiful beings many turn to for meaning, He is TRUE meaning, He is your TRUE purpose, He was the one to create the heavens and the Earth and the stars and the blue summer sky and the rainy days and the sunrise and the spring leaves after winter and all that is in this world all that has existed for all these years, and now he has created you. The entire story of all of existence plays before you. You feel the presence of galaxies, stars, planets, you feel their past, you learn everything all of a sudden. You feel the life of the Earth, from its first moments as several single cells to the great Carboniferous jungle, to humanity's beginnings, every step from the first steps of man to the mighty marches of empires. You feel every single detail, the position of every single particle of space from the beginning of time through billions of years, every single moment, every photon out of every star as well as every moment on earth, every whisper, every word, every detail of every human and every last bit of knowledge and wisdom from every elder. The pull becomes stronger. "Yes!", you think, "I accept, take me!" It is shocking to remember your own voice, like that of a stranger, it has been so long since you were that single, weak, pitiful voice. No longer. Now you are him, you are all. Now, you are God. At last, the fabric of your spiritual and physical form rips, you are tearing away from your past self. Your old wants, motivations, and aspirations fade away. They have no place in the real world, the true world. You see this now, your old life was full of distractions from your true purpose, this fact is now abundantly clear. Closer and closer to him you go, your spirit exiting your old form and entering this new one. You are so excited you can hardly contain it, what a glorious day this is! How wonderful it is that this should happen to you, whether by fate or by fortune, a true blessing is upon you today! Your old self was nothing important, absolutely nothing before this revelation. Only now does your life truly begin. Yes, more and more and more it goes, your old form is now more of a separate entity than it is attached to your soul as it once was, you feel the last strands of connections breaking apart. The final fabric of these connections continues its satisfying tear, slowing down until it reaches the very last connection to yourself, the last part of your spirit still part of your old self. One final tear and you are no more. Wyd?
Wow! Isn't This A Treat!!! Enjoy This View Of Brandon Taking A Beautiful, Stunning, Marvellous, Stupendous Photograph Of The Crystal Clear Florida Water (H2O) With His Phone (Cellular Telephone Communications Device (Commonly Referred To As A "Smart Phone") Designed And Tested By Apple In California (Made In China (By Slaves))). Lookin' Good, Brandon!!!
Uh-oh!!!!!! Missed the darn toothbrush again!!!
Somethin happened 2 my hand 😳😳😳
MmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMM!!!! I love me some sweet, SWEET jam!!! Jam is who I am!!!!!!!!! Nothin I like more than a lil bread n jam.
Was feelin all warm and bogged down and tired and glum and..........EGGshausted......... from all the warm easter air..... Then this bad boy came along! Now im feelin COOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎
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Wow! This is much better!!! Thanks, @rowanbaiter !!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Hey kid, welcome to America. First time in the US, huh? Must be exciting. Don't worry kid, I'll show ya around."
"This is it. Main street USA! Haven't had to leave this town in years, you got everything you need right here. Listen, I gotta run, if ya need anything, just stop on by. See ya around, kid."
Cars: the most revolutionary technology on Earth. You may know of cars from movies such as Cars, Cars 2, or even Cars 3. Their incredible looks and performance dazzle young and old, rich and poor. But cars have a dark side. When I was just four years old, a car robbed the store my entire family and I happened to be at. Hiding behind the candy shelf, I watched in horror as the 1993 Dodge Ramcharger pulled up to the front counter, took all the money in the register, then drove away, tires screeching. I'll never forget the screech. A few years later, when I was 8, I was walking past an area well known for its cars. Suddenly, two pimped out Coupe DeVilles came out of nowhere and drifted into me going mach 2, sending me into suborbit in the lower mesosphere. Needless to say I instantly blacked out, gaining consciousness about 50 feet in the air above the ocean. I was only going about mach 1 thanks to air resistance, which gave me just enough time to form a triple spiral swan dive with the right amount of force to use the water to heal my wounds sustained by the drift collision. Once underwater, I diverted my remaining energy upward and skipped on the water back to shore on my chest like a skipping stone, using the force of gravity exerted on my by every object in the universe to pinpoint my exact location on Earth. As I was approaching the shore, I calculated that I would need at least 500 pounds per every square inch of force on my body MINIMUM to completely stop me before I shot straight into a building at my transonic speed. I had to stop myself somehow, as a collision at my current speed would generate an explosion capable of wiping out civilization in a 10 mile radius of the building. Realizing this, it was clear that my only option was to perform a handstand on the ocean below that was so fast that my hands did not move relative to the water, effectively launching me over the land and back into orbit over the planet. As I went to move my hands towards the water, however, I was struck by a flock of seagulls, sending me spiraling out of control. As I could not stop or redirect myself in time before hitting shore, I happened to strike an apartment complex, causing a MASSIVE explosion, killing hundreds. Anyway, cars may look cool and even BE cool, but think twice before you associate yourself with cars. You just might regret it.
The New Colossus
"On the ground, NOW!" You comply without hesitation. The minion, made stocky from YEARS of dispensing beatings to unruly slaves, slowly removes a whip from his bright yellow banana-themed Despicable Me 87 toolbelt. He's been waiting all day for this moment. Taking his time with the grip, examining it over, he moves into his signature power stance. You wince, knowing you're in for the beatdown of a LIFETIME. Cold leather cracks at your skin. Screaming in agony, your arms buckle just as a powerful boot sends you to the dirt, instantly cracking 4 ribs and your jaw. Noticing this, he responds: "hehehee.... banana" and flips you over with his boot. Squinting at the light, paralyzed between immense pain and fear, he suddenly towers before you, blocking the sun with an excellent view of his JACKED quads. "p-pplease..." you spurt. He laughs, "Heheehe, banana," and imminently socks you 5 times; left, right, left, right, left. Blood, seeping into your throat, clogs your breathing tube. There is little more you can do than lay and gasp for air as you watch him saunter away to the guard's barracks. Several fellow slaves shuffle by, but you know your fate all too well. You've never seen anyone after a punishment. As you lay in your final breath, your eyes remain fixed at a small poster on the nearest set of guard lockers. The Minion Empire continues its world domination. Following the great uprising of Despicable Me 52, humans solely work in intense labor camps to provide for the greater Minion people, who have since enjoyed an unprecedented age of freedom, peace, and prosperity for all.
America. Global energy dominance. Top of the leaderboard in a global team-based competitive pvp environment. One problem: where's all that power coming from? Listen, if you're like me, you couldn't possibly care where you get your energy. But let me tell you this: it's probably not that clean, buddy. It's probably a little dirty. It's gonna get your clothes covered in soot sooner or later. But let me also additionally tell you this as well: there is a way around that, and YOU are in control of WHAT that IS. That's right, you can solve this crisis. YOU! Yes. Mhmmm. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Mmmmmmmmhmmmm. Yessssssss........... MmmmmMMMMMMmmmmMMMmmmMMmmmmm. OH, how? HOW, you ask? What an excellent question!!!! Marvellous!!! Stupendous!!!!! What a delight, a true PRIVILEGE it is, for me to answer a question such as that!!!! And answer I will!!! But first, picture in your mind a GLORIOUS wind farm in the hills, a PATRIOTIC dam in the canyon, a MONUMENTAL solar farm in the basin!!! These things, beneficial as they may be, are all behind the scenes, bureaucracy at work, out of your hands completely!!! To put it simply, this doesn't concern YOU; a hard working, tax paying American! No! So, what CAN you do? What could you POSSIBLY do to SAVE AMERICA from its NONRENEWABLE grave???? Well, here it is. The answer you've all been waiting for. Buckle up, because this one's gonna ROCK YOUR WORLD. The way..... you can SAVE AMERICA................... IS...................... by............................. uhhhhhhh.............. you can uhhh.................... I mean it's not hard to..... like uhhh............ maybe if you.............................. I mean........................ if you just..............................uhhhh................................................................................
At long last, scientists have discovered the perfect male form. Behold! This 3D image recreation perfectly details every single aspect a man must have in order to be absolutely PERFECT. Notice the eyes, bionic, giving the user such incredible vision as to be able to see a single pixel on the virtual 3D VisuScape """"""moon"""""". The cranium, extended backwards and around the Bionic Strap™, is 20% larger than a male's of similar size, which means BIG plays and bigger FRAGS. Not a gamer? Don't worry, scientists are continuing to look into uses for the brain other than headshots and team-based combat maneuvers, but for now it looks like gaming is just about all the brain can do. The brain, of course, is the gaming organ of the body; so it looks like this FINE specimen is the gamer KING. Finally, notice the onlooker, a young boy who is clearly impressed at the sheer MIGHT of our specimen. What a wonderful future we have in store!
Another great day in CB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#cocoabeach #beach #cocoa #sun #sunfiend #sunrise #sunset #sunup #sundown #sunscreen #sunburn #sunshine #sunner #sunken #sunday #monday #tuesday #wednesday #thursday #friday #saturday #sunday #sunken #sun #shore #surf #surfer #surf #wavehunter #alwaysoutside #ontheprowl #wavewatcher #computer #illiterate #leftbehindbytechnology #fire #new #technology #wheel #amazing #onthemove #fakename #ontherun #newssn #alias #fugitive #inhiding
Mid-Century Modern
In humanity's final days, the world power supply is dwindling. All available remaining power sources, such as class A and B super-stars, are collected and consolidated into a megacylinder made of aluminum, copper, and tin with a radius measuring 83,575 Rhode Islands long. The mega-battery is constructed and moved into a hydroelectric power harnessing tube over the course of centuries, taking the lives of billions of slave laborers. At last, the behemoth of power makes contact with its steel external conduction array, thus allowing humanity yet another 500 trillion years worth of power. Suddenly, in a cruel twist of fate, the battery is plucked from existence and thrown into the garbage can of space-time itself. Humanity could not suffer such a blow, and was wiped out instantly.